The Last Sigh of Summer

Summer has zipped by so quickly, I wonder did it happen at all. We are in August, the last final gasp of the season. It doesn’t seem so long since the soaring great heights of the June Summer Solstice-when twilight teased us at 11 pm in the evening, and the racket of birds awoke us in the stealth of a Summer morning at 4 am. And here we are-the nights are closing in, the children think of school bags and new runners; the air turns faintly chill in the mornings. The trees are abundant with fruits and vegetables; the apple tree already has windfalls and the black currant bush has fruits dying back on the branch.  How fleeting.

It is 1.30 am on a Sunday Morning in August  and the air is as smooth as silk. A slight breeze lifts the leaves of the cherry tree on this fertile corner of Dublin and Meath; there is a waning moon. I can’t sleep; I peer out the window for grounding. A star twinkles above the plum tree. It flashes on and off and seems to move and wobble -in the manner of stars who are about to shoot across the sky.  It doesn’t though but the following night the star is gone from it’s usual position . Maybe it did decide to flash across the sky. Who knows-everything seems so temporary these days, even nature, even the stars in the sky.

The fireworks dazzle the sky from neighbouring Luttrelstown Castle to the western sky as they do every Saturday night;  It’s wedding season. My daughter knocks on the door to ask what the noise is;  tonight the fireworks  seem more flashy and urgent.

Autumn is coming, and with it the dip to Winter. In these days, when there is talk about climate change and all the politics that goes with it, I feel we need to  simply listen to nature and the turn of the seasons and watch the stars in the sky. They will guide us, more than any political movement.

 

Til Autumn,

Kat

 

 

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Not The Reality of Zany Mountain

Recently-have been confused about the whole blogging thing. Apparently I have to “brand”  and “influence” it to be a “proper” blog. Honestly the whole thing is laughable-who wants brand and influence from let’s face it a Peri Menopausal woman from Limerick who happens to be married to a Mayo Man and lives on the border of Meath and Dublin (bear with us-we are mid GAA season-the county identity matters)

What brand or influence does this blog need?  Pehaps it needs links to parenting teenage girls- if there is one  I’d like to see it-because raising strong minded, independent  teenage girls -does not come with a map or a link. I could of course talk about how much fruit grows around here and my wonderful front garden  (and yes it is amazing-go Co. Meath) I could Instagram it-within an inch of it’s life . I could sell the fecking thing. for money. But I won’t.

This is not a carefully curated blog with beautiful starry pictures and emotives and links. This is a blog from the heart. And will continue to be so.

To the future folks…

 

 

 

Parenting is Hard but Circular

Gulp-the kids announced a few weeks ago-they didn’t want to come on holidays with us.  “We will stay at Granny’s “they said-“with our cousins”. It does not at all feel right- like, where are the days gone when they stuck to me at every point? Toddlers in wetsuits and straw hats and eating apples on the beach. Where has it gone?

My mother-who has such an understanding  nature (and a long track record of parenting  girls)  rang me last week; I told her that the kids don’t want to come on holidays with us. I was practically sobbing. She rang me back the next day and assured me this was  normal.” You did the same  Kat; refused to go on holidays with us when you were 16–they are teenage girls after all”

I have to stop mourning those days. Our holiday will be great next week (like child free!)-but I’ll miss the girls-just like my mother did when I turned 16. But at least they will get to spend time in the countryside and have a ball.

This story is circular and generational. We follow in footsteps. And I’m assured they will come back to me, but for now-it’s hard.

Til next time-

 

Kat

This is what Anxiety Looks Like in 2019

It’s no secret-am as anxious as fuck. Only today I saw a blaring headline “Ireland is 100 % Going to Enter a Recession  Shortly” My heart instantly jumped-thanks media. We seem terrified of everything. On a regular day I feel like an awful parent, colleague, commuter…..the list goes on. I feel like I am not measuring up to anything and why is this I am finally asking? Why has society made us think we are not good enough? Let me tell you about anxiey in 2019=how it looks.  You will wake up feeling like the worst human of all times. Your heart will beat and flare like a fiddler.  The stomach has a knot-an ever present knot.  You will not care about anyone else but your self-because you simply can’t-the energy will not be there.  You can’t eat and  you  just might puke before exiting your front door, You will never seem to make the grade as colleague, parent, culchie-because the  perfect grade does not exist. Your  heart thumps and your mouth is as dry as sandpaper. You are crticised endlessly-despite all of the above.

And here is the thing-the perfect colleague, job, child DOES NOT EXIST. We are all trying hard in a super charged world. It’s tough out and some of us haven’t it as easy as others but anxiety is not an easy watch. In any decade. Let’s try and beat this affliction because it sure as well  will beat us modern humans yet if we don’t try to find a way.

And we’re are a bit too critical of each other……..just sayin’

Til next time-peace

Kat.

Migraines and Other Stories…

For the greatest age I have meant to write about migraines. They are really dismissed by community  despite the fact  the whole area is so heady (pun forgiven) and debilitating. It is only now, 12 months from my last migraine that I can write about it. I was in a horrendously demanding  line of work up until last year. Not a month went  by without a migraine, which ultimately shows how stress related these matters can be.

The evolution of a migraine is stealthy and frightening. First you get a tingle-not any  old tingle, but a sort of numbness. The day before a migraine, I could not write a word by pen, my right arm ceased working-I would flex it in wonder-but no go. It would be dead as a dodo.

When the migraine actually arrived-my skin would feel tight and drawn. I would literally feel grey.  Then the most horrendous headache accompanied by very severe nausea would follow. You can’t move, talk or interact on the most basic level. And the anxiety? No stranger to anxiety on a daily basis but there is something about the migraine that feels you are about to die. It is terrifying.

Following a migraine-the brain is crystal clear-it’s almost frightening.and my brain feels cleaner-sounds are louder and magnified- basically catch me at the end of a migraine and my mind  is at it’s optimum. This in itself is frightening as what the hell needed clearing out?

If you are a migraine sufferer, know this-it is a very serious and horrible condition. Maybe examine the stress in your life-mine reduced significantly when I made a change for the better. If you can’t, I feel for you-but it is a sign for change and difference. If I can do it, so can you.

 

Til next time,

 

Kat

 

The Ultimate Guide to…Owning a Malshi

I did not want to go down the route of dog ownership at all.

They kept reminding me of Sandy “but you loved him, he was part of the family”. I’ve even blogged about that damn, Labrador, lovable rogue. The kids pecked me on this one. “You love dogs, Mam!, you tell us every day about Sandy!!!” I used to hide behind the excuse of -well-dogs are frankly- work. But the kids wore me down-they understood me to be an animal lover-they just knew it. And I am, deep down. Mr Z- being a science bod had to research the logic of it all.  He came up, after a few Gant Charts (stop)  with the idea that the Malshi would fit in with our dynamic household.  Much as I would love one of those giant Labrador types around the place or a rescue dog (another story for later)-I’ve had to settle for the Malshi. My regrets are few….read on; a beautifully natured breed of dog if ever one walked (forgive the pun). The Malshi is a so called designer dog; in existence since the 1990, they are a hybrid between a Maltese and a Shitzu.

They Don’t shed.

These babies don’t shed so are good for the allergy prone,  but their lustrous, silky, shaggy coats require trimming at least three times a year. Otherwise they will get literally like rugs.

Their size.

Small enough dogs-but check their paw size. Harley, first day, had big paws and frankly turned out very burly. Minnie is small and delicate but her fur makes her look way bigger.

Food.

They have sensitive enough tummies; would not be firing human food- especially anything fatty or meaty their way. We’ve been feeding them dry kibble, raw carrot and brown bread and this seems to suit. They will beg for food like any dog and don’t leave your chairs out-they will hop on top of the table without any invitation.

Nature.

They have a wonderful, fun nature. They are easily trained and respond to key commands. They love humans and can adapt to the nature of their  owners. If upset at all, they will pick up on this  and  try and comfort. They also love to sort their toys and make their bed. Minnie needs to have her bed and blankets made a certain way before sleep. Right too. They are not cross dogs by any means but will defend the territory against cats. Thankfully. They do like their sleep too and will while many an hour, snoozing away. Oh and if their frou, frou tail as I call it is down-something is wrong or they  are sick. A good indicator. Minnie’s tail goes down at the suggestion of a walk, while Harley loses his life.

Sociablity.

These dogs love everyone-they are friendly and happy. On walks they will go up to every dog they meet for a chat. If you have a local bark park-you are away. They will enjoy meeting other dogs and humans and running free. To note- they are difficult to keep to heel; Harley slipped out of his lead once or twice and made for the hills, delighted with himself. Make sure they are tagged and chipped, in case this happens. They are also terrific with children-they have a natural affinity with them.

Health issues

Check their fur-they can be prone to ticks and need medication for this every 6 months. Also breathing problems can be an issue so keep an eye.

Finally…..

They are a wee burst of joy. Their friendly nature makes them quite puppy like.  Would I be without them one year later? No way!

How to be Everything and Nothing at Once.

I have pondered back and forward over this issue for years

I am a guilty girl-with such clickbait  and by the way if anyone wants to refer to me as a girl-go right ahead-I am 46-my girl days are unfortunately over…I’m still referred to as a girl though in certain sectors; -freaking happy days.

It takes a bit of stepping back to see how you might have possibly lost the will of yourself.  I am supposed to be the following; great mother, Irish person, housekeeper, wife, parent, worker, cook, pet owner, writer, blogger,  goddamn laundry person. And I am supposed to be perfect at all of these tasks. And you know what I am fecking jaded. Tis no wonder a “girl” can feel half cracked. That workload would drive any sentient being insane.  How did we land here??? Really-how did it get to this??  There is not one single reason we have to be this way  to exist as humans. And we don’t have the energy; why should  we have it really -a workload like that should kill a horse.

I get the feeling lately I have the impossible task of being everything or nothing at once. And I am not alone. I wonder where this is going to lead to?  The hope is  to being an actual person  who hasn’t got to feel they have to be  everything and nothing at once.

It’s going to take work but can we at least start the discussion? It is imperative we have it-interested in your thoughts…….

 

Til next time

Kat